"Over the Speed Bumps, Back on Track"

Sawadee Fellow Bambini,

We've done it. We've broken free of the chains that had us bound to the Philippines (well, one of us) and have effected our escape back to Thailand, one step ahead of a major typhoon that has blasted these accursed islands.

The good Doctor's interview never came about and three weeks were wasted being wasted. The only occurrence of note was the addition of two more candidates to the Maroon Marriage Sweepstakes. Now that we're back in the land of contestant number one, she'd have to be listed as the odds-on favorite, however, as there are nearly seven weeks left in this real life tragicomedy, expect another dark horse or two to emerge. What a maroon!

Some random notes on the Philippines:

- Never play pool with a Filipina bar girl. You would have thought I learned a lesson I could extrapolate by playing dice with Thai bar girls, but it seems maroon-ness is contagious, if not congenital.

- Oh yeah, forget about darts, too. About the only bar activity I've been able to demonstrate any clear superiority has been drinking (not hard considering the average woman here weighs about eighty-five lbs.) and even that isn't consistent.

- The entire city of Manila could use a coat of paint. And a few more well placed trash cans.

- Karaoke is very big here, but beware; most of the customers are women who will sing every power ballad by every act that has ever made you want to put a bullet through your brain. We're talking Air Supply, Bryan Adams, Barry Manilow - you get the picture.

- When you date a mamasan, you automatically date at least five other girls at the same time. You just don't get to sleep with any of them.

- When you date a mamasan, you get a woman who'll buy YOU drinks occasionally and can carry on a conversation.

- It's harder to be a vegetarian in the Philippines than in Thailand, but they do make better pizzas. Even the local Shakey's is surprisingly good. If they served food like this in the U. S., they'd still be around.

- I wonder if they consider sugar to be a vegetable here?

- Wine is not big here and the bulk that is sold comes from Australia. You can find other stuff, it's just difficult and I'm a man of immediate gratification.

- If you find an Italian restaurant, don't expect to find Italian wine served there. It's a mystery to me, too.

That's all for now. If I can remember anything else, that is, what I'm not trying to suppress, I'll let you know next time. Until then...

Ciao bambini

Campione Soon To Be of the Jungle